Finding Forgiveness in Your Heart


As  we approach Christmas I am reminded of the forgiveness that we have been shown by our wonderful God through the birth of our Messiah Jesus Christ and the sacrifice of his life for our sins and salvation. That act of love, kindness and forgiveness can many times seem like something that is unfathomable for our human minds to wrap around. But the truth is that it did happen and as believers in Jesus Christ we receive that forgiveness, even when we mess up, we need to ask for it and to repent from the sin we committed. But because of the forgiveness that we have received, we are also told that we need to forgive others that have sinned against us. Oh, that can be such a big struggle as it is so easy to spin the pain, anger, hurt that has happened or been caused by someone out of control. It can morph into an uncontrollable anger, or you fall into a pit of despair as you wallow in self-pity about the wrong that has been done to you. You many even go to the point that you share the offense, or offenses that have happened to you with others seeking their thoughts to build upon your justification for the reason why you should be hurt, angry, offended, etc. for what someone has done or said to you.

But as we look at what the scripture tells us we see that we are to find forgiveness in our hearts. Let’s look at the Lords Prayer in Matthew 6:9-13. Our Father in heaven, Hallowed be your name. Your kingdom come. Your will be done on earth, as it is in heaven. Give us this day our daily bread. And forgive us our sins, as we have forgiven those who sin against us. Lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil. As you see it says to pray for forgiveness of our sins as we have forgiven those who sin against us; it does not just say forgive us of our sins. In fact, as you continue into Matthew 6:14 it says “If you forgive those who sin against you, your heavenly Father will forgive you. But if you refuse to forgive others, your Father will not forgive your sins. I don’t know about you but those are some sobering words to think about and to apply to your heart. In Mark 11:25 it tells us that when we pray, first forgive anyone you are holding a grudge against, so that your Father in heaven will forgive your sins, too. It can seem like an impossible task to forgive someone that has hurt you or sinned against you in any way. But then think about the forgiveness we are given by our beloved Jesus, who was sacrificed so that we could be viewed as righteous.

I ask you what is forgiveness? Wikipedia says, intentional and voluntary process by which a victim undergoes a change in feelings and attitude regarding an offense. Then I looked up the Greek word that is used in Matthew and it means to send away, omit lay aside, let go. My Vines bible dictionary says that it is a verb. It means to cancel debts. To me when a debt is cancelled you have a zero balance, so that means there is no offense, no sin, you just lay it down and give it to Jesus. It sounds easy enough, and that is what we are to do, but finding true forgiveness in our hearts can really be a struggle. Yes, some things are easier to forgive than others, but the scriptures say all sins against us, not just the ones that are easy to forgive and forget. As I read and pondered what forgiveness looks like it really made me start to look at my life and to allow Holy Spirit to guide me on a journey to uncover areas in my heart where unforgiveness was dwelling. I believe that forgiveness can be one of the hardest things to truly do. It can seem so easy to say, “I forgive you”, but how many times do we really mean it when those words come out of our mouth or are even a thought in our heads?

One of the things that I have come to realize on my journey with forgiveness is that it is really an intentional process. It is intentional because until you act nothing can be done. You must make the conscious decision that you are going to cleanse your heart of unforgiveness. Sometimes the unforgiveness can be so deeply rooted in our hearts that we don’t even realize it is there, because we have made justifications to feel the way we do, or to act a certain way toward someone because of things they have done or said. I have broken down the process I used on my journey, in the hope that it will help you. I had to work through 40 plus years of pain and hurt that had come from my mother and some other people in my life. As I walked this journey I found that every time something new happened, I had just added it to the list of things that they had done, I had a laundry list of hurt and pain that had happened over years of my life, from early childhood all the way into adulthood. This was a long process for me on some and short for others in my life. But the outcome has been wonderful. Trust me it is not always easy, and for me it did not happen overnight, but rather it was a 3-4-year struggle for one person in my life. I found that I had to keep going back and working through forgiveness, but it has changed me and made me a better person.

Discover who you have unforgiveness for.

Find that quiet place where you can spend time with God. Then ask Holy Spirit to show you who you need to forgive. Write down the names that you get and if there is anything specific that has happened. There might only be one thing or there could be many things. As I went through this process for some it was short and simple, but for others I had a laundry list after years and years of things that had happened. Remember that this is a continual process that we should apply to our daily life.

What has caused the unforgiveness? (Is it an action, something said, a combination of things)

It can take a while to figure out the what. For me I found that when I sat down and just started to write what was on my heart that had been pent up for years and years, I filled 6 pages. But then as I read those pages that I had written I was able to pick it apart and find the various ways that I needed to forgive and accept things as they were. Yes, as we forgive it does not necessarily change the other person, but it changes our heart. Forgiveness it really us voluntarily forgiving someone that does not necessarily deserve our forgiveness, just as Jesus has done for us.


Confess to God your sin of unforgiveness

I say to confess your sin because I have come to realize that when we hold unforgiveness in our hearts it really is a sin. As we go through the forgiveness process and we work on healing those places in our heart, we must ask for forgiveness from our Heavenly Father. The sins could be many such as unforgiveness, or judgement. Or maybe instead you have made agreements with lies such as shame and condemnation. Remember that the Lord does not condemn us, or bring shame upon us. This helps us to cleanse our hearts and move forward on this healing journey. What I found for myself is that I had to repeatedly go to God on this because I would forgive all things, but then the person I had forgiven would do something new and all the old pain would come crashing back in. For me it took 3-4 years to completely forgive my mother. But for others it may just be a one-time thing of talking to God about how and why you have felt the way you did for so long. The more you work on forgiveness and letting go of offenses the easier it becomes.

Go to that person if possible and forgive them, or ask them to forgive you

This can be the hardest part. Maybe that person is no longer alive, well by you going to God and confessing and talking to God about the problem and asking God to forgive you, this has taken care of the problem. But if the person is still alive it can be a good thing to reach out to them. For instance, I realized I had to ask my sister to forgive me for all the years that I had spoken poorly of her, judged her, etc. Sounds easy right? Well she is not a Christian and so when I asked her for forgiveness and I explained all the things I had felt over the years when various things had happened she said all is good. But 1 year later she threw it all back in my face saying that I hated her because of the things that I had confessed to her. When that happened, I did not get angry, but just explained that when I ask her to forgive me for the things I had thought, it did not mean that I hated her. My suggestion is to prepare your heart because whether they are a Christian or not; as well as their spiritual growth can make a difference on how they react to what you are telling them. I have found that for some things I just forgive people instantly and chose not to take offense to things they say or do. Not allowing offense to be a part of your life is part of forgiveness and it is also a part of showing grace.

As you walk in forgiveness you start to find freedom and you look at people differently. For me my heart has changed toward my Mother and so now I am able to care for her as she struggles with Alzheimer’s. But it has also helped me so that I choose not to take offense at things that are said and done. I take the time to think about not what they say or do, but what is there heart saying. We live in a broken and sinful world, but as we walk and grow spiritually it brings a new awareness to ourselves. From my perspective as I have learned to walk in forgiveness, I feel closer to God, and I have a peace in my heart instead of anger, and pain.

Are you a Christian?

ChristianYou call yourself a Christian, but are you really a Christian? In this current environment many people call themselves Christian, but you would not know it by their lifestyle. There are many individuals out there that say they are Christian, but they continue to live in the world, not repenting from their sinful lives, or seeking a relationship with Jesus Christ. Then there are individuals that may call themselves agnostic, or atheist, but if you really talk to them, they may believe parts of the bible but not all of it.

I hope to clear the waters on some of these various descriptions that people use to describe themselves when it comes to religion. I have come to learn these things by looking at my life and how Jesus has opened my eyes. I hear so many people say they are Christian, and I was one of them. They do not go to church very often, don’t read their bible, they are not in relationship with Jesus, still cuss, drink, and basically follow the ways of the world. For instance, I found Jesus at 19, but  I went right back to following the ways of the world, occasionally, I would go to church, but found it boring or felt unwelcomed. I would pray or talk to God when things were not going well.  Oh but then nothing when things were going well for me, I would stop praying. I did whatever I wanted not thinking about the consequences, to myself or others, I was more focused on myself then on others. I would have compassion at times for others, but not like I do now. This probably sounds like some of you and it is nothing to be ashamed of, it just lets you see that you might need to shift your focus, from yourself to Jesus.

What I have come to realize is that when you are living your life this way, you may be a  Believer, but not a true Christian. You believe in God, you believe in Jesus, but you think you know what is in the bible, and who has time to read the bible to really know what is in it! You might go to church every Sunday, or just on special occasions, (Christmas, Easter) or you don’t even go to church because you have been offended, or you think they are a bunch of hypocrites. That was me, because every church I had been in after accepting Jesus in my life, judged me on what I wore, where I lived, etc. They did not accept me for who I was broken and lost looking for answers.

Then you have a life changing encounter with Jesus, that transforms your life. You start to find the time to read you bible and you discover you really did not know the truth that was in the bible. You start to discover that the bible has stories that pertain to things happening now just as much as in the past. You start to change without even realizing it, because Holy Spirit has been busy giving you a heart change. You understand that judgement is only for God, but it is ok to point out sin in a loving way, but there should not be judgement and condemnation; as Romans 8:1 tells us.

That every Christian is at a different place in their walk. Some are baby Christians, where others are farther along in their walk with Christ. You hold your head up proud that you are a Christian, and people around you can tell by your actions. You stop living in the world and focusing on yourself, and you start to shift your focus to others. There is a confidence in your walk, you talk of God in most of your conversations, you stop cussing and many stop drinking. But, we should not be worried about what other Christians are doing compared to us, our focus should be on ourselves and how God will look at us. We need to stop looking at the splinter in our fellow mans eye, and instead look at the log in our own eye; just as scripture says.

There are some out in the world that call themselves atheist or agnostic, but as I listen to some of them when asked questions, I think they are really just confused. For some that happens because of well-meaning Christians standing on a street corner condemning everyone, instead of spreading the love of Jesus and speaking from the heart of God.  Some have never taken the time to read the bible to know what is really in it, and many of them believe in something spiritual but they can’t put a name to it.

I really encourage those that are not sure about God or Jesus to just take the time to read through the new testament to get to know the amazing and wonderful Jesus that I know. I think you will find it life changing, but then again who am I! I am just someone who loves Jesus and I want everyone in the world to know the love and sacrifice that Jesus made for all of mankind. Yes! For you and for me. Jesus loves the sinner for he is chasing after the lost sheep to bring them back into the sheep fold.  Just remember that Jesus will leave the 99 to chase after the one lost sheep.


913b8-shynessAre you someone that is super shy? I was one of those people, I was so shy that when I was in junior high and high school people thought I was stuck up. If someone would come up and talk to me then I would have slight conversation with them, but I would never approach someone. Especially if I did not know them well, and even then, I was unsure of myself. I was always afraid that I was going to say something they thought was stupid, that I would sound dumb. In fact, I was really convinced that no one would like me for who I was, so I spent a good part of my life trying to be what I thought others wanted me to be. Let me tell you that never turned out very well. In the end I was the one that would get crushed and that would just push me into a greater fear. I was even my own worst enemy, believing things about myself that no one had ever spoken over me except for myself. There were lies that were in my head, and they plagued my life for 52 years. Those lies kept me a prisoner, afraid to be around people or to do things with others. I was just content in my little world of work and animals. The truth is that it was only in the last couple of years that I figured out that shyness is really a fear of man. Fear of what they will think, am I good enough, smart enough, funny, cute, the list goes on and on. I believed that no one would want to be around me, and this caused me problems in relationships and it kept me from having any close friends growing up.

Then back in 2015 God really was talking to me and was really encouraging me to step out and trust in him. We moved back to Tri Cities, Washington area, after moving away in 2012. When I moved back God got my husband and I into a really, great church. After about two weeks of us attending, I heard the Lord tell me ministry, and I was like what can I do in ministry. I am afraid to talk to people that I don’t know. So, when we went to church that Sunday my husband told me to go up and talk to someone to see if there was some way that I could be involved as a volunteer in Women’s ministry. I was so afraid that he had to literally take me by the hand and walk me up to someone to talk to. That was just the beginning, I ended up getting involved as a volunteer with a Ladies Brunch that they were going to do for Christmas, and I started to meet people, and suddenly I was not feeling as fearful around people. But the Lord was not done with me on this journey.

In December of that year I got hired at the church to work as an Admin. for the pastoral staff. As part of that I was going to be helping the youth pastor on Wednesday nights. Well that took me on a new journey, and I had to get past my fears of not fitting in, so that I could connect with the students. I would struggle for the whole year of 2016. As I went on a mission trip I kept hearing these lies in my head that I was not supposed to be going and that I did not matter, but on that journey, something great started to happen. I had someone tell me that God had given me the boldness of a Lion and that I did matter and that I was supposed to be on the trip. Suddenly, I started to see Lions up in the clouds, of course no one else saw them, but I saw them for a whole year. I even had one of the students in our youth group come up and give me a word that I was bold like a lion and was no longer like a tiger. Then she explained the difference between a lion and a tiger to me. Even though I was not sure about that boldness I kept walking in boldness and trusting the Lord along the way. Just let me say that when you trust God, you never get let down.

Now I walk in a wonderful freedom that I found on this journey, and that freedom only comes from the Lord Almighty. The first step is always the hardest, but after that they start to get easier. What I have found is that I matter, I am wanted, people like to be around me and that I have all kinds of friends. Now I look for the individuals that are sitting in the back corner hiding from everyone, so that I can call them into something greater as well. Oh, don’t think that I don’t get self-doubt that comes back to haunt me on occasion, but now I am quick to stop those lies and to speak out the truth of what God sees in me and says about me. I walk with my head up high, and I walk in a new-found boldness and authority that only comes from Jesus.

My encouragement to anyone that is walking that same road is to call on God, and trust him as you start to step out of the fear and into the light. Feel the weights fall off and you have a bounce in your step as you walk in new found freedom and you encounter new growth way beyond anything you could ever imagine. When you start to listen to the truth of the Lord, it brings you freedom. Freedom brings you so much more. Stop believing lies about yourself and ask God to help you take the first step. Ask God to give you strength and to take away the fear that is churning in your stomach. I know it can be hard and frightening, but the Lord can give you a boldness beyond anything you can imagine. Please believe me you start to see things through different lenses and you start to feel better about yourself.


Prayer graphicLet’s talk about prayer, it is a subject that many don’t think about very much. Some people say that they pray on occasion, others will say that they pray more often. Trust me I am no expert when it comes to praying. A good prayer life can look many ways, there is not one clear cut approach; however, everyone should be spending at least a small amount of time praying. Prayer can be short or long, and it can be as simple as having a conversation with Father God, or on your knees pouring out your heart.

  1. Make time to pray – What does that mean, just what it says make time. You can pray at any time and any place. Some of my best prayer time has been when I had a long drive to make, I would just spend the whole time praying and conversing with God.
  2. Pray from a thankful heart. It is all right to ask Father God for things, but don’t always ask, without spending some time thanking God for the things that he has done. Let me explain a little better. When I am praying, I take time to thank Father God for the things that he has done for me or the blessings he has bestowed on me. I thank him for my home, work that he has provided, vehicles that he has provided, family, etc. I try very hard to always have a thankful heart because it changes my perspective. If Father God has healed, you of something make sure and thank him for it. No matter how bad things may seem, there is always something that you can be thankful for.
  3. Pray with boldness and expectation. Yes, the bible tells us to come boldly before the Lord. So, don’t be afraid to ask for healing, for a broken heart to mend, for hearts to be changed. When I pray, and I ask Father God for something or to do something, I expect that it will happen, and I don’t just pray once for breakthrough. Keep asking and keep praying. I spent 3 years talking to Father God about the type of man that I wanted in my life, after a couple of bad marriages, and broken relationships. So, I had a mind and heart shift and I thought about the important things for the next man in my life. I prayed every day for 3 years, then I met someone that had all the qualities that I had been praying about. He had some brokenness in his life and so then I prayed for 5 years for God to tear down the walls that were built around his heart, and after 5 years we got married. Some answers to prayer come quickly, but others take time, just keep asking Father God, he listens to our prayers and he responds in time.

There is not a perfect way to pray, and there is no hard and fast rule about praying; however, you do need to pray to see breakthrough and change. Pour out your heart to the Father, he wants to know you. Spend time in prayer thorough out the day. For instance, when I wake up most days I thank God for giving me another day on earth, another day to be with friends and family, another day that I can share the love of Christ with others. Then as I go through my day, I will just talk with the Father; what does that look like, well I walk out the door and just see beauty in the sky. I throw my arms out and look up and thank God. I am driving, and I start to get frustrated with another driver, but conviction stops me, and I thank God for teaching me about patience and not to judge others. I change from complaining about the other driver to praying a blessing on that driver. For about 3 years I drove 87 miles one way to work, so I had a lot of time that I was in a vehicle. That became my quiet space, and the best God time I could have. I would pray and talk with the Lord about my struggles, dreams, any and everything that was going on with my life. The cool thing was, Father God was listening, and when I would be on my way home I would hear him talking to my heart through the songs that were playing on the radio. Just a side note I only listen to Christian music, as it is medicine for my Spirit. So, as you can see prayer can be elaborate and focused, or it can be a simple conversation with God. But you will find that when you start to spend more time with the Lord in prayer, changes will start to happen in your life. You begin to have a shift in your spirit and you start to see things through the Fathers eyes, instead of through yours.

God’s Reckless Love

reckless love of godHave you ever thought about God’s wild, reckless love for us? Or maybe you think of God is vengeful and angry. A God that only wants to bring wrath down on his people.

Well today I want to help you to understand that we have a loving God that is constantly trying to bring us back into right standing with himself. We were created to have relationship and good standing with our Father in Heaven. But early in creation sin entered the world and changed that forever. Since the time that sin first entered the world, Father God has been trying to bring us back into right standing so that we are in relationship with himself. God wants to know us and for us to not only call on him in times of trouble, but to always be talking to him.

What does talking to God look like? Well it is waking up in the morning and thanking him for another day here on earth. It is going through your day and taking the time to just talk to God about your struggles. He knows what you are going through, but Father God wants you to talk to him about it, just as a child would tell their parent. Talk to the Father about the good and the bad. I can remember a few years ago, I was crying out to God, because my Dad had Parkinson’s Syndrome, and was no longer able to talk to me, so he would not even let me talk to him. I was a Daddy’s girl, and I was missing my Dad so much, that I got on my knees and poured out my heart to Father God about how much I missed talking to my Dad. How I missed hearing his voice, and I just wanted to be able to talk to him about things going on in my life. What made it even harder was that I was 2500 miles away from my Dad at the time. Well the Father heard my cries, and he felt my pain. Two days later I got a phone call from my Dad and for 10-15 minutes my Dad could, talk and have a conversation with me. I knew instantly that this was a blessing and gift from Father God. It was the last time that I got to hear my Earthly Fathers, voice but it was priceless. This is what a loving Heavenly Father does, he gives good gifts because he loves us.

Just think about John 3:16-17: “For this is how God loved the world: He gave his one and only Son, so that everyone who believes in him will not perish but have eternal life. God sent his Son into the world not to judge the world, but to save the world through him.” These are the words of Jesus as he is explaining to a respected Jewish teacher. So, if God was always angry and vengeful, he would never have sacrificed his one and only Son to bring us back into righteousness when we accept Jesus in our hearts. No this is something that a loving God would do, that has a father’s heart for each one of us. Think about how much love God really has for us, any parent knows that it would be hard, if not impossible to sacrifice their child for everyone else. I know I can’t begin to imagine the pain that would cause. So, to allow that to happen so that we could accept Jesus into our hearts and become saved, to be made righteous through the blood of Christ is the ultimate act of love.


Bible graphicDo you read your bible?  Is it just a book with words that you think is lifeless?  Is it just a bunch of history that does not pertain to you?  What if I told you that your bible is the living and breathing word of God!  It has history that we can learn from, but it is a tool that the Lord can use to teach us and speak to us.

There was a time in my life when I thought that my bible was just a book.  What I was reading made no sense.  It just seemed like it was talking about things that did not pertain to me, because I was not one of the chosen people (Israelite).  But then one day it was like a light came on, I decided to pray before I even opened my bible.  I asked Father God to help me to understand what was in the bible.  Suddenly the bible came to life and things were being highlighted to me.  I was understanding things that had been confusing.  Suddenly my bible was the living word and I would read, and have verses speak to my heart.

So, that started to change my perspective of my bible.  I also started to notice that I was having a heart shift.  I got excited about opening my bible and hearing what God had to say.  Then in 2016 I started an actual bible reading plan.  It was having you read part of the old testament and then part of the new testament.  A new awareness suddenly came to me as I was seeing how the old and new testament tie together.  I would get super excited, and pester my husband about what I had read which would lead to awesome discussions.  It brought me into new freedoms as I started to find out that some things I had believed about the bible were not true.  That was not what God had said, rather it was lies I had been believing.

Can I just say that when you make a dedication to actually read your bible in a year, it changes your life.  Freedom comes from knowing the truth of what God says and applying that truth to your heart.  You also start to discover your identity in Christ rather than in the lies of the world around you.  I don’t know about you, but I do not want to be a prisoner or a slave to the lies of the enemy.  Life is beautiful, and I want to live it to the fullest through Christ.  You gain wisdom and insight, so that you can make good changes to your life.  You start to memorize scripture and applying it to your life.  For instance Romans 8:1 There is no condemnation for those in Christ Jesus.  Now talk about freedom when I read that and apply it to my life.  All of a sudden when I feel condemnation coming on I can stop it in its tracks and declare the truth of the Lord.  Bam just like that I have beaten the enemy back and taken another step forward.

Think about the bible as a tool to help you grow with Christ.  Yes there is history, but even through historical things that happen you learn so that you don’t make those same mistakes.  I don’t know about you, but I don’t want to live in the wilderness forever like the Israelites when they were freed from oppression in Egypt and then let fear keep them from the promised land.  I want to walk in bold confidence that God is with me just as Joshua and Caleb did.  But I did not gain that confidence until I actually made the time to read my bible and apply it to my life.

Yes that is the other thing, don’t just read, but apply what you are learning to your life.  If you are reading about being rebellious like Jonah was and you see what happened to Jonah.  Then learn from that story so that you don’t run from God but rather run to God.  Let your bible be a journey into learning to be more like Jesus.  Your bible is a tool and when you take time to read and apply it, your life begins to change.



Jesus has changed my life

Hello everyone, and welcome to my blog.  My life changed in 2008 because I found that there is a difference in being a believer and actually having a relationship with Jesus Christ, my Lord and Savior.

It has been through my realtionship with Jesus and God that my life has been transformed and I have found peace and freedom that I never had before.  My bible has become a voice from God, as well as the Christian music that I listen to.  As my life has been transformed, it has opened my heart to share with others so that they can find the freedom that I found.

When you walk with Christ, you start to change from the inside out.  Actually it happens and you might not even see the changes happening, but they are.  I was someone that lived life in fear of judgement from others and so I shut myself off from people.  I was not a hermit, but I was extremely shy, and I found it hard to trust people.  But I am no longer that person, I no longer walk in fear of judgement from the people around me.  Now I walk bold and confident because I have discovered a new freedom, and that is when I live my life for God, I don’t have to worry about what people think, but I focus on what God would think.

I hope that you find this site as a way to learn more about the Jesus that I have found and love.  For Jesus was the ultimate sacrifice to save man kind.  Jesus is not just a prophet, or a good person.  Jesus was both a son of man and a son of God.  Jesus suffered and was sacrificed on the cross so that we can be made righteous by the blood that was shed.  Jesus bore all of your sin and my sin, so that we could be seen as righteous in the eyes of God, when we belive in Jesus.  Jesus died, but rose on the third day and is now seated at the right hand of God, my Heavenly Father.

We now walk in a new covenant with God, and we have been given direct access to the Father through Jesus.  When Jesus died on the cross the veil was torn in the temple that separated the most Heavenly place where God was and opened up a way for us to talk directly with the Father through Jesus Christ.  Think about what this really means, it was the hand of God that tore the veil.  The veil that hung in the temple was 4 inches thick, and I read that it was 60 ft long, and it tore from the top to the bottom.  This helps you to understand the magnitude of what really happened when Jesus died, but he rose 3 days later.  Jesus has won the battle and taken the keys away from Satan.

So what does that mean!  Well it means that I don’t have to talk to a priest, who then talks to God, but rather I can talk directly to Father God.  Jesus has given us the ability to talk directly to God.  Jesus has made it so that we are washed clean and when God looks at us we are righteous.  Not because of things that we do, but because of the realtionship that we have with Jesus.  When we believe in Jesus that he was a sacrifice for our sins, that he was resurrected and now sits at the right hand of God, we get freedom.

I hope that you will enjoy my insights to living with God.